a hero falls.

your world stopped the moment the doc said sorry

blink once, blink twice, wait, what did he say?

the motionless face that stares at the heavens, eyes shut

is the one that brought you up when you were down…

 

you’re reeling back in horror, what the fuck is this reality?

what is going on? why isn’t he breathing at all?

“daddy wake up, please! you promised you’d take me to Singapore

when this pandemic got over,” you whisper brokenly

a sinking feeling tells you he’s broken it as he’s breaking you now..

 

your mother, who taught you to be a quiet little child,

is now screaming—the pain’s a foreign language.

how does one begin to describe the wordless terror

of keeping your face bereft of sindoor, 

wearing white sarees, 

no one to wipe these endless tears?

 

how does one cease to exist?

how can one be breathing joy one moment

and then be forever stolen by the stars?

how does “he is a good man” turn into “he was”?

how could you do this to us?

 

how will she grow up without you, my dear sir?

she’s just a sweet child living the good life online, unequipped for real life

she doesn’t realise the complete implications of you being gone,

and drowns herself into a pixel play paradise.

or maybe she smothers the demons that try to usurp her peace of mind,

can’t let their voices drown out the silence.

oblivion is so much sweeter than the tears.

sometimes she climbs into bed with my mama,

and tries not to wet the bedsheet with her eyes.

 

my mama told me to talk to her and lend her my hand

I didn’t know what to say to her over the phone

what do you say to a person whose life has paused?

what do you say when you can’t find the resume button?

 

please allow yourself to fall behind, take your time

please let yourself cry, revisit the times you never paid much mind

I know that this sandstorm now stings your eyes

but time will smooth out all your shards, please give it time

 

I’ll be by your side whenever you need to cry

or you need someone who can wipe your eyes dry

or you just need to take your mind off things

please know that I’ll be there for anything you need

 

we all are crumbling paper boats

riding waves in search of treasure

but one day or the other

we will be going under

 

there are some things in life you just can’t wish into motion

and some things so extensive as the skies don’t hurt any less

like a flame scorching your palms when you put your hands close to it

but our burns make us who we are.

 

one day, your smiles will no longer be sacrilegious.

one day, you’ll see all the pictures without crying.

one day, you won’t envy your friends for having dads.

one day, you’ll be positive that he’s watching over you.

and one day, you’ll hear him whisper softly, “my dear, I love you”.